Sunday, October 25, 2015

How Great Is Thy Love For Me - Part 2

Read previous post: How Great Is Thy Love For Me

I sold my car and stopped eating out. I tried very hard to be careful with my spending. I could remember the sadness in my wife and daughter's eyes, when all the conveniences they had been enjoying, were taken away. But they didn't complain. My daugther, though they're still very young and didn't fully understand, knew that their father was having difficulties.

Meanwhile, during one routine health check, red blood cells were found in my urine. The more I read about what caused it, the more worried I was, as it might be an indication of kidney disease. Having the vision of me needing to rely on dialysis one day was too much to bear. I was wondering how I would pay for the dialysis and treatment, and if any employer would be willing to employ me.

I didn't receive a single call for many job applications I sent out. And reading many sad stories in, where many Singaporean struggled to get re-employment as they grew older, broke whatever fighting spirit in me. I had very little faith left at this lowest point of my life, and I sank deeper into depression.

These were the days I shed a lot of tears, when I was alone in my prayer. I envied my friends who had rich parents and could afford to quit their jobs any time they wanted. I was angry and I questioned God, why I didn't have rich parents which I could fall back to, why I couldn't get a new job while struggling and unhappy with the one I had, and why I was allowed to have what might be a very serious (and expensive) sickness. Didn't He say "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. " - Jeremiah 29:11. Why did He allow all these bad things to happen in my life?

To be continued ...

1 comment:

  1. Yaruzi,

    It's can't be a rant; not with that blog heading ;)

    Initially as I read this part 2, my brows narrowed with concern. Then I let out a faint smiled at the end.

    Good to get it off your chest.

    I'll be here for part 3.